Rage. Probably political rage. Maybe just personal rage. Lots of sarcasm and cynicism. Also pretty pictures.
Of course, all of us should be honored to be listed on the TIME 100 alongside the two men who will be slugging it out in the fall: President Obama, and the man who would defeat him, David Koch. Give it up everybody. David Koch.
… Little known fact, David’s brother Charles Koch is actually even more influential. Charles pledged $40 million to defeat President Obama, David only $20 million. That’s kind of cheap, Dave. Sure, he’s all for buying the elections, but when the bill for democracy comes up, Dave’s always in the men’s room. I’m sorry, I must have left Wisconsin in my other coat.
I was particularly excited to meet David Koch earlier tonight because I have a Super PAC, Colbert Super PAC, and I am — thank you, thank you — and I am happy to announce Mr. Koch has pledged $5 million to my Super PAC. And the great thing is, thanks to federal election law, there’s no way for you to ever know whether that’s a joke.
By the way, if David Koch likes his waiter tonight, he will be your next congressman.
Craig Newmark is here someplace. Craig Newmark, there you are, Craig. Nice to see you again, my friend, founder of Craig’s List, recent TIME 100 honoree.
This year Craig’s List made the decision to no longer accept prostitution ads. It was the right thing to do, though, of course — no, give it up, it was the right thing to do. Though, of course, it was hard on the Secret Service.
They left with Secretary Clinton, right? Good. Okay.
… Interestingly enough, the Pulitzer Committee did not give out an award for fiction this year, which is surprising since both Rumsfeld and Cheney released their memoirs.
… But perhaps the most influential person on the list is here, Sara Blakely. The inventor of the Spanx. Give it up.
No one, no one has done more to control women’s bodies, except maybe Cardinal Dolan.
If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don’t want to do it.
Stephen Colbert (via soupsoup)